I received an email with these cleverly made-up definitions, and thought I would share the humor with you all:
"New" Words:Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.
Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm
in the fruit you're eating.
Alternate meanings for common words:coffee: the person upon whom one coughs.
flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk.
willy-nilly: impotent.
negligent: absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
lymph: to walk with a lisp.
gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash.
flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline.
testicle: a humorous question on an exam.
rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
pokemon: a Rastafarian
proctologist.
oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
